Posts Tagged ‘toilet humour’

Unfortunately it does not seem to be known that the toilet is a throne for man especially not on a train. I used to take the last train from Ulsan to Haeundae on a Friday night and on a couple of occasions I may have had to sit down and relieve myself.
The first time, I was coming to the end of ‘my sitting’, just listening to my Ipod, in no particular rush  and suddenly I am introduced to another passenger’s fist or foot against the door. I half ignore the noise stuck in this tiny acoustic box and proceed to clean up. My hand has just touched the toilet paper and I can only assume the same appendage is again connecting with the door. I mumble under my breath and pull my jeans up, take a breath and open the door to introduce myself to the passenger. The impatient passenger had moved on and I was alone in the toilet compartment of the train.
The second time I took a book to accompany me…. Bang, bang, bang. I just sat down and somebody is banging furiously on the door, I think however  that’s ok because there are plenty of toilets on the bang, bang, bang… I’ll just finish what I am doing then I’ll bang, bang, bang.
‘Yes’ I say. Silence,  a whole 30 seconds of it…. Bang. Bang, bang, bang. I rearrange my attire, pull the door open and confront my tormentor. It was a skinny, spruced and somewhat drunk middle aged woman leaning against the wall, her head bowed in shame. I stood there not moving, my eyes on her, I wanted her to look at me so I could show my distaste, her eyes never met mine and we parted. It was not until later when we had arrived at our destination that I saw the full effect alcohol had taken upon her as her lover clutching her tightly to save her from the impression that the ground would make upon her caked face.
Now whenever I take the train and need to use the toilet,  I find the best thing to do is use a similar technique to scaring small wild animals, by making a brief loud noise. Preferably not in Korean, as you do not want to be having a broken conversation with a complete stranger through a metal wall travelling at 80mph whilst sitting on the toilet. English, French, German and Spanish have all worked and banging has desisted.
© John Brownlie 2010
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